That Underlying Hum of Hopelessness

 Photo by  Erwan Hesry  on  Unsplash

Photo by Erwan Hesry on Unsplash

I haven’t been doing well in the last couple of months.

I always think that summer is going to be a cure-all for everything, that the sun and warmth will lift me up and out of my depression, that somehow things will be better just because of the season and the sunshine.

Not so this summer.

This summer I have been fighting a battle with new medications and the discontinuation of others — my birth control to be specific — hormones that have done something to me in the last ten years of using them that to now be without them has me turning into a suicidal bundle of tears and anxiety every time I get my period, which has now been four times, as if anyone is counting.

The lowness lingers.

I can’t get up out of it.

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